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Friday, April 1st, 2005
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11:20 pm
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for shits and giggles.
Thank god, i am a country boy.
die. die. die. country boy.
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(Love her Madly)
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| Monday, February 21st, 2005
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10:42 am
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| Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
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1:22 pm - Love is the slowest form of suicide.
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So.
I don't know if I told you, but I moved back in with my parents.
Heather is a freeloader.
My best friends live in Tallahassee...
My ....love.....
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(Love her Madly)
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| Monday, December 13th, 2004
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6:41 am - whoa.
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Its amazing to notice where life has taken you and how you didn't expect to end up there prior to the now. A little insight to my life: I moved back to Palm Bay.
Crazy, eh?
Tomorrow, I am moving back in with the parentals for a month, actually, under a month, but I digress. I am moving in with some old coworkers in an apartment across town... bah, I have to aqquire a real job ASAP or I won't be going to school anymore. College can fuck a monkey. oh, you heard me, FUCK A MONKEY!
WTF? why am i awake?
now, onto romance.
Yes, me and marissa's relationship exploded and died. thank god. she is a heinous bitch/ plague of locoust/ medusa/ squirrel hater/ giant squid from beneath the surface of hell.
...and i love squirrels. those are all insults given to her by my new group of friends.
so, on a random excursion to orlando, i realized i could never be with claude... the relationship with him was shallow and alcohol based. also, when i told him i would be moving back to palm bay (at the end of october) he told me the same things marissa told me. and our relationship was based on alcohol... thats a problem.
sobriety is a good thing for me.
again, with the random tangets!
so, as i began to get off the cycle of getting smashed every night and day, i met this girl -- kelly.
yeah, she is awesome. its difficult to put into words, but she is very similar to me in many respects. its also very hot and cute. but alas, she lives in plant city (twenty minutes from tampa; 45 from orlando) which is on the other side of florida. meh. and also, she will be staying at fsu whilst i stay in palm bay for a year.
meh.
sooo. how do we always end up in these situations?
i have no idea.
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(Love her Madly)
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| Wednesday, October 20th, 2004
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11:54 am - Nobody mourns the wicked.
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When I have nothing left, then what will happen?
I have no money, in fact, my bank account reads negative thiry four cents. I owe the housing department 900 dollars, practically, and to top it off me and my girlfriend are having problems.
She won't admit to them, but I know she feels the same as I do. I know the same thoughts are running through her head, but there are things we dont share anymore, mainly, everything. It is driving me insane, and luckily, Claude is there to support me, regardless, save for when I am playing ddr... I am not sure wh yhe doesn't condone DDR, but it is ok, because I think I am falling in love with him anyway.
Just the good moments we spend together make not care about what happens in every other aspect of my life, because as long as he exists, I feel almost complete.
If only my parentals didnt disown me. I love it here, and I couldn't live with them, so what is their problem? My life is completely changed in light of me being disowned for being a "drunk lesbian" oh yes. That is why I am breaking up with my girlfriend because I am falling in love with a guy. Personally, I prefer to sleep with girls, the sex is just better, but I cannot be in a relationship with a girl, it is far to difficult, annoying, and just ready to explode.
awww... there are too lesbians in the computer lab sitting next to me.
how come thier relationship seems to work out?
...I am envious.
I have math class in an hour.
I hate math, almost as much as I hate this mac in the comptuer lab.
*sigh*
moo.
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(Love her Madly)
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| Thursday, September 9th, 2004
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1:23 pm - What is this? life....
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Well.
Its been a while.
I moved out on August 15th... and was moved back in on August 28th... barely two weeks, possibly two weeks exactly.
Why?
Well, it started out just as band camp. Then as I made the block, thereby passing every audition, I celebrated on Friday August 20th.
Oh yes, tequila, you are my friend.
...so I smoked some pot. Not a first. but not the last either.
I drank some more.
It led to this very awesome threesome with Nick and Marissa.
soon thereafter, Marissa became my girlfriend.
I moved in with her on thursday August 26th... I think O.o i was a thursday.
but the events of that friday were posted in another online journal of mine... where the people I know in real life are on my friends list.
Someone found it who of themselves to email the post of smoking and drinking and threesome-ness to my mother.
who legally, can list me as a runaway
and legally can take me out of school
and legally can withdraw me
thus ensuring what I have always known:
A. My mother is crazy.
B. I have no future.
So. I turn 18 On September 17th.
...I am moving out... again...
Only this time there is no going back.
current mood:  indescribable
current music: None.
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(Love her Madly)
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| Sunday, May 9th, 2004
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1:41 pm
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gezz, I feel like I am never online anymore.
Well. I start at FSU in August. It is almost really exciting, but essentially, I am more nervous about flunking out, etc.
Ergh. Well, PDT has been switching members, losing and gaining bass player(s), but there is still me... though I have tried to quit, I am still rocking out with them.
But I definitely love the ska band I am in, yes, indeed, Controled Chaos. That could be our name, we still haven't picked a name though. so moo.
I went to Virgina a while ago. It was fun. I am going to Atlanta june 9th through 13th... I think O.o
Whatever.
current mood:  awake
current music: none
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(Love her Madly)
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| Sunday, March 7th, 2004
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5:51 pm
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lalalala
my band is back together with one too many bass players, but it is all good.
looking at life through a cracked rearview mirror is always great.
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(1 obsession | Love her Madly)
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| Saturday, February 7th, 2004
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9:24 pm - Hollar!!!
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What an eventful... time it has been?
Well, me and tif talked... alot. I have been REJECTED!!!!
Strangely enough, I am over it, the whole wanting to be with her, it still is wishful thinking, and I knew it was never going to work on some level of conciousness anyway, but damn, she stole my world.
MY cousin, the infamous drummer, has relocated to my town, I don't know if that has been mentioned. And our orignal bass-player and me came to some good terms, and then something happened, and we are sans bas splayer at all our gigs.... but that is ok. We may have sorted out some band trauma... but that still doesn't change who we are, and more importantly what (and who) we have done. gargh.
dirty!
I feel dirty.
Hmmmm... College applications... I need to finish those. I am almost accepted to FSU... they need my transcripts though. I see a big party in my future... I mean, education...
I need to finish my applications to UCF and USF. And I am no longer allowed by those who fund m education to go to stetson. simply because it cost WAY too much.
oh well. thats life. I don't have complete losers for parents, and Iam not a minority, so yeah, colleges like that won't give me lots and lots of money regardless of how good of a musican I am.
fucktards.
I joined wintergaurd. It is the ppl who twirl flags during marching season.. only with a marching band. Our festival is next saturday. along with the next pdt gig, but the festival is the morning, and the gig is late at night. and it is still valentines day... not like I am in a really meaningful relationship. But that steve fellow. I really enjoy his company. ^.^
current mood:  busy
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(Love her Madly)
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| Friday, January 30th, 2004
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11:52 pm
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tired.
so much crap.
overwhelmed by the realism.
I am scared.
Early day tomorrow.
today...almost. tomrrow in 5 or some odd minutes.
current music: Tichelli- an american elegy
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(1 obsession | Love her Madly)
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| Saturday, December 13th, 2003
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11:48 pm
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ooh.
cheese.
but yeah. tom is an asshole. i don't like him.
pdt has a new bass player, which is our old and orignal bas splayer who rocks my soxs when we aren't fighting with each other.
we got a new mic and some new amps. and ooh! this bass player has a five string. and we have gotten a new drum set, we jsut need better symbals and a better PA system.
current mood:  calm
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(Love her Madly)
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11:45 pm
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I went to tri-state band festival. it was w00t. and cold. ummmm..... there was a parade tonight. I refused to be i nthe back of the band, i am a fucking drum major. bastards. but it asn't cold, and afterwards i went out to burger and had some french firse, but they were for there and we were still in full band uniform
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(Love her Madly)
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| Saturday, November 29th, 2003
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10:42 pm
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yeah, i don't know whether i should belive she realized she was wrong, a bitch, and is sorry.... it is alittle much. i think she jsut wants to be part of something again. her life shatters, and now she'll try and wrok things out, do i need that? not really. i have built up a new life without her, without any of my old friends. i don't even talk to my old drinking buddies anymore..... no more alcohol. no more weed. i am soooooo sober. and consequently, so fucking bored.
current mood:  melancholy
current music: everyone is so fucking lonely
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(Love her Madly)
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10:39 pm
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:: sigh ::
damn holidays.
nothing everyworks out right.
pdt got a new bass player, but of course, now the old stops misbehaving..... oi. anywho.
whipped cream doesn't make a good substitutre for ice cream in an ice cream float......
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(Love her Madly)
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| Saturday, November 22nd, 2003
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10:39 pm
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it is cold.
I spy...someone I love... and trees. damn those mooses. damn cheesy disney movies.
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(Love her Madly)
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| Sunday, November 2nd, 2003
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11:02 pm
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PDT has a new bass player. w00t.
I now play guitar for a ska band, too.
My eyes are burning and my headaches.
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(1 obsession | Love her Madly)
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| Sunday, October 26th, 2003
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1:01 pm
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It was supposed to be a perfect night. yeah, but that went to hell because of the overall rating the band got. damnit. we didn't get the highest score possible... ~.~
I did tell michelle i loved her. tee hee.
current mood: confused
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(Love her Madly)
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| Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
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11:45 pm
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| Sunday, September 28th, 2003
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8:29 pm
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| Wednesday, September 24th, 2003
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6:34 pm
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"God Must Hate Me"
Last night I just wanted to have fun
To go out with my friends
I took my dad's car
I never thought he would find out
But I crashed in a wall
Man I'm dead
I guess it's no use
I'm screwing up ever little thing I ever try to do
I was born to lose
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
God must hate me
He cursed me for eternity
God must hate me
Maybe you should pray for me
I'm breaking down and you can't save me
I'm stuck in hell
And I wanna go home
Last night I had to study for this test
I forgot man I'm dead
And now my brain is bursting out of my head
I can't think I can't breathe
Once again
So what in the world am I supposed to do?
I never did anything to you
So can't you find something else to do?
God must hate me
I wanna go home
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(Love her Madly)
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littlelostloser's journal